undying love
by Waffles Of Doom
Summary: Cancer is a word no one ever wants to hear in regards to themselves, to someone they love, but its a word that Logan had to get used to when the love of his life was diagnosed. This, is how he lived his life after she had gone. Oneshot.


**Undying Love.**

Camille was diagnosed with cancer when she turned thirty four, exactly two weeks after her birthday. Cancer is a word no one ever wants to hear in regards to themselves, to someone they love.

Camille, as usual, was made of steel through the chemotherapy, when she lost her hair, all through the being sick and feeling like crap each and every day. Even when we found out it was terminal, that the treatment hadn't worked, she stayed strong.

She quit acting altogether to spend more time with Andrew and Meredith, our two children. She wanted them to have happy memories of her, ones they could look back on after she was.. After she was gone.

We did everything we ever wanted to in the months were she was still able to travel. Camille had always wanted to see England, France, Germany- all these places we never got to see before.

She booked us all on a plane, and we spent the kids entire vacation overseas, visiting all these amazing places, and taking photographs by the dozen. Big Time Rush had decided to take a break four years previously, and Kendall and I owned our own music studios now, so he hadn't any problem with me taking off for three months.

Camille got weaker that October, and got steadily worse as the months went by. That Christmas, she barely moved from the couch, too tired to do so.

I think she was the only one who had really excepted that was her last Christmas at that stage.

I convinced myself that she was going to be okay, some way, some how. I never said this to the kids, because I guess I knew there was no point in giving them false hope.

I remember the last moments I had with Camille clearly, almost as if they were yesterday. Andrew, who was thirteen at this stage, and Meredith, who had turned eleven that December, had said goodnight, kissing and hugging their mother with the same vigorousness that they did every night, and heading to bed.

She was lying in my arms, a notebook held in her pale white hands.

"What are you doing Cam?" I asked quietly. Her hair had started to grow back, seeing as the chemo had been stopped months before had, and it fell past her chin in curly strands.

"For Andrew, and Meredith." She explained. "I want them to have something, from me. A letter."

I let her write in peace for ten minutes or so, until she folded the pieces of paper gently, and put them each in a pristine envelope.

"Give these to them when I've been gone a year," Camille said. "Promise me you will Logan."

"I promise," I nodded.

"And make sure that they know I love them," She continued. "When they're sad, afraid, anything, make sure they know I love them."

"Of course," I nodded. "I'll tell them everyday."

"And I want you to move on Logan." Camille said, looking at me carefully. "I don't want you to be alone forever,"

"I love you Camille, just you-" I began.

"I know." She interrupted with a smile. "I know you love me, but I don't want you to mourn me forever. You have room in that big old heart of yours for someone else. I can't stand the thought of you being alone for the rest of your life."

"I'll have Andrew, and Meredith."

"They'll eventually grow up darling," Camille said quietly. "Please Logan? For me?"

I couldn't reply. I couldn't.

"I love you Logan," She said, her voice slowing. "And when times get hard, just remember I'm always going to be here."

She took my hand in hers, and placed it on my heart. "I'll always be in here, in your heart."

Camille looked into my eyes with the kind of look only her blue eyes could give. "I promise I'll always be here."

"I love you too," I said, studying her face.

"I love you," Camille said, a smile spreading across her face and she lay back on my chest.

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears I knew would come if I kept them open any longer.

"I'll always love you," She repeated, and her breathing slowed, and slowed until it stopped forever, her chest no longer gently heaving.

Camille, the only woman I'd ever loved, my soul mate died in my arms that night.

The days, the weeks and the months that followed Camille's death were horrifically hard. When she first died, I used to ring her voicemail each and every night, because if I didn't hear her voice I couldn't sleep.

People always asked how I dealt with my grief, when I had two kids to raise. I would drop them to school, and give a fake smile, before sitting in my car for what could be hours, crying.

Kendall used to come out into the car park of our studios and find me sitting there, keys in hand, crying my eyes out.

I used to cry myself to sleep each night too. I'm sure when I stopped crying every night, it just kind of stopped one night.

I gave Andrew and Meredith the letters from Camille on the first anniversary of her death. Meredith handed hers to me after she read it, curling up by my side, crying gently.

_Dear Meredith, my darling, beautiful daughter, _It began.

_I love you, more than words could ever say. I never want you to feel as if I'm not there, because I am. On the most important days of your life, your graduation, your wedding day, the birth of your first child, I'll be there. I'll be there everyday in fact, when you wake up in the morning, when you go to school, work, if a boy breaks your heart, everything. I'm always going to be watching over you, minding you, loving you. You are a brilliant girl my darling, and you have an amazing life ahead of you; and I'll be there every step of the way. _

_Take care of your dad, and Andrew, and my darling, always take care of yourself. Never let anybody bring you down, tell you that you aren't good enough. And never, ever forget that I love you._

_All my love, forever,_

_Mom._

It wasn't until years later that Andrew showed me his. Camille said that she loved him, that she would always be there, but there was also something for me there too.

A message, one Camille told Andrew not to show me until I turned forty.

_Logan, my handsome husband. I love you, and always will, but I do want you too move on, to love again. Make sure that you take care of yourself, and our beautiful children. Keep the memories Logan, nothing bad. Only remember the good._

It was those messages from a woman we all loved more than words could ever say that helped us through the worst times. Anniversaries passed, birthdays and Christmas, graduation days and football games, and Camille's promises of always being there made the milestones easier to handle.

I felt Camille beside me when Andrew graduated from college, a medical degree in hand, I felt her there when Meredith got married, when Andrew got married. She was there with us in the hospital when our first grandchild was born, and the second- for all of them.

I never did move on after Camille. I came to terms with her death, but I never felt ready to move on.

I wasn't lonely all of the time, I had my friends, my kids, my grandchildren to surround me. I did get lonely when I'd return to my empty house, and my empty bed.

I was okay though, I was happy.

I kept Camille alive in my memories, by telling stories to my kids, my grandkids, to everyone. Camille was never forgotten, and like I promise, I told Andrew and Meredith just how much their mother loved them each and everyday.

It was sometime after my eighty sixth birthday when I arrived home to a house that wasn't empty. Camille, my beautiful Camille was sitting in the living room, smiling. Sitting beside her, I could feel the years slipping away and it was as if I was only a young man again, before Camille got sick.

She took my hand, and I was happy to go. I knew my kids would be fine, my grandkids would be fine.

Everyone would be fine. I had waited long enough to be with my wife again, and it was time for me to join her.

/

**Authors Note: **Just an idea I couldn't let go! I'm also procrastinating on my on-going stories, and the revision I have to do.. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Reviews are the best form of love!


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